Butterfly
by visitingxff
Summary: Her heart pounded. Her breath quickened. She knew exactly why she'd been asked to come.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: First fic. I warn you now; it will more than likely have some grammatical errors in it.**_

**Disclaimer: If you recognize it from the show, I don't own it.**

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><p><strong>Butterfly<strong>

She knew it from the moment she saw her.

Big brown eyes stared ahead blankly as everyone moved around the little figure sitting in the chair. A blanket was wrapped securely around the little girl, her tiny fingers tugging the edges closed in front of her.

Curly dark brown hair fell just below her shoulders and every once in awhile, she'd shake her head to clear them from her eyes.

Her skin was the color of coffee, just after adding cream. Her tiny teeth bit nervously on her bottom lip, a very familiar action.

The little girl was all of six-years-old, her birthday having just passed. When police arrived to the crime scene, a birthday cake was on the table, a few slices missing. The pink icing on the cake was no match for the bright red splatters across the room. And upstairs in a room filled with stuffed animals and flowered walls, a little girl hid frightened in a closet.

"Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?" a uniformed officer asked the small child. The little girl shook her head a little more firmly and shivered. "If you need anything, you let me know."

"Can I see my daddy now?" the child asked in a small shaky voice. "He's prob'ly looking for me. Nobody told him I'm here 'cause he would have picked me up already."

She watched as the officer lowered himself to the child's level and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She watched as those same tiny shoulders hitched a few times and a small hand wiped away tears.

Her heart pounded. Her breath quickened. She knew exactly why she'd been asked to come.

The officer stood and after patting the child's shoulder once more, walked in her direction. In his hand he held a small juice box.

"Uh, you must be Detective Benson," he said as he held out a hand. She shook it nervously. "I'm Officer Banning. I'm the one that called earlier."

She nodded.

"Why am I here?" She knew the answer.

He pulled out a small plastic bag from his pocket. Inside was a piece of paper smudged with blood. He handed it to her.

"This was found next to the, uh, the body."

'_Olivia Benson_' was written in shaky handwriting along with her number. She looked up, blinking a few times and trying to calm her breathing. Officer Banning looked away quickly to the juice box in his hand.

"At first, I didn't understand why we would need to call you. I know you work sex crimes and there wasn't anything like that in this case." He looked back to the little girl again. Her head rested on the desk in front of her. "But now I see…"

She shoved the plastic-covered paper back at him and he stopped talking. Crossing her arms, she tried as hard as she could to hide that shakiness she felt.

"What do you need me to do?" was all she could ask in a voice just above a whisper.

"I'll go handle all the paperwork. Could you sit with her? Maybe get her to eat something or drink this juice?" He handed the juice box to her. It was warm. "She seems kind of out of it but I guess that's understandable considering… you know."

She nodded.

"Is there an open interrogation room, somewhere she can wait so that she's not in the center of everything?"

Officer Banning took a sweeping glance around the room full of fellow law enforcement officers, alleged criminals and confusion, and then nodded, quickly telling her where to go. He walked away with a sad smile and all she wanted to do was toss the warm box of juice in his direction. It was a feeling unjustified but the endearing smile he continued to offer did nothing to calm the panic she currently felt.

Taking a few more breaths, she walked in the direction of the small child. She stopped just behind the chair and watched. She looked at the child as the child watched her surroundings with sleepy, sad eyes. As if feeling someone staring, the child sat upright and turned, looking directly at her.

"Hey there," she said in her calmest voice, the voice she used when encountering children during cases. This child was different. "My name is Olivia. What's your name?"

Brown eyes stared at her for a moment, just studying her. It made her heart flutter.

"Ayla," the child answered after awhile. "Ayla Spencer. I'm six. It was my birthday two days ago."

She knew.

"Wow, you must feel like a big girl now!" she said with a nervous smile. She had no idea what else she could say. So many thoughts ran through her head, so many feelings in her heart. All she could do is stare at the little girl who stared back at her.

The little girl shrugged and shook her head to clear her eyes of tiny curls.

"How about we go find a quiet place to sit? Would that be okay?"

The small child reached for a stuffed toy that sat abandoned on the desk before her and stood.

"Um…'Livia?" The child spoke softly. Olivia smiled. Her name sounded perfect in that voice. "I have to go potty."

She held out a hand and the little girl took it without hesitation. Together they went in search of a restroom before going to the empty room Officer Banning offered.

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><p>Olivia opened the juice for the child and watched as the little girl sipped slowly. She couldn't stop looking at her. Her skin was so soft. Her hair was full of gorgeous curls and her eyes were the most beautiful shade of brown she'd ever seen.<p>

She was perfect.

The juice box made a hollow slurp sound as Ayla finished, placing the empty container on the table. Together they waited as Olivia tried to find something to say. She needed to think of something quickly before Officer Banning returned. She had to think of something that would explain what was happening to the child without overwhelming her.

How could she even begin to explain this? Of course she had thought about this. She thought about it every single day. What it would be like, how it could have been so different. But the choice was made with careful consideration. There was no other logical choice. And every single day she woke up with that very thought in her head and every single night she fell asleep thinking about it. Not one hour, one minute, went by without a thought to her decision. Every breath she took. Every move she made. Nothing could ever make her forget.

And here she was now, faced with the very decision she'd made all those years ago, breathing in its sweet strawberry-melon scent. She'd made the right choice. It had to have been this way. It was logical. It was best. Wasn't it?

She was lost in thought when she felt a small hand on her knee. She jumped slightly. She hadn't even noticed when Ayla stood in front of her.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?"

There she was, worrying that little lip again with little teeth. And a small frown formed between her brows.

"I know who you are, 'Livia. Daddy told me." Olivia's heart raced. Blood rushed to her head, pounding loudly in her ears. She felt breathless, lightheaded, as child leaned in and whispered. "You're my mommy."

The breath rushed from Olivia's lungs.

Ayla took a small step away from her and hugged the soft toy to her chest. A tiny hand reached up to push a curl behind her ear. She stared at Olivia with wide, almost sad eyes.

She was 'Mommy'. And now, her sweet baby girl stood in front of her with a look Olivia knew she would never ever forget.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Hope that wasn't too painful. I just had an idea and started typing. I didn't follow any specific timeline to the events of the show because they probably won't be consistent. I know I won't do the characters justice. I know they may not be as great as they are on the series. I can admit I'm bad at that. I just wrote it just to get it out of my head.**_

_**At this point, I'm not even sure if I'll continue. I promise I'm not saying that for people to beg me to or for more reviews. I just have an idea of how I'd love this story to go and I don't know if I'm the right person to write it.**_

_**I thank you for reading it regardless.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Ayla took a cautious step into the apartment and stopped. She watched silently as Olivia switched on the lights and placed a pink suitcase next to the couch. Keys clattered onto the table next to the lamp and Ayla jumped slightly, clutching a teddy bear to her chest.

For a few moments, the two stood in awkward silence. It was nearly three in the morning and Olivia knew Ayla was exhausted, if her falling asleep on the ride to the apartment was any indication. It didn't help that Olivia had to run to a twenty-four-hour shopping center to purchase a child safety seat for her car. It also didn't help that it took her a good twenty minutes trying to figure out if the seat was installed the proper way. It embarrassed her a bit when another police officer stopped on her way in and helped Olivia place the child seat the correct way.

"I'm a mother of four," the officer said with a wide grin. "My youngest is finally too old for these things." The officer clicked the booster seat into place and stepped back. "There ya go!" She gave Olivia a quick overview of its correct use and went about her business in the precinct.

And now, having gotten her home safely, the little girl stood nervously by the entrance as if ready to bolt at any time.

Home. Her baby girl was home. With her.

"Here," Olivia said softly as she patted the couch. "Why don't you lie down right here while I change the sheets in the room?" To be honest, she felt just as anxious as the little girl staring at her. Ayla had not spoken one word after announcing what she knew – that the stranger that had shown up to take her home after her father's horrific murder was the mother that had abandoned her nearly six years ago.

Five years, four months and three days ago, to be exact.

Ayla took small steps toward the couch and, after an encouraging nod from Olivia, sat down. She lifted her left foot and looked up, silently asking Olivia to help take off her shoe.

Olivia smiled and knelt before the child. Releasing the Velcro snaps on each little white shoe, she slid them off of the child's foot.

Holding the small shoe in her hand, Olivia thought back to the many times she would be shopping at the mall or some random department store. Each and every time, without fail, she would go to the children's section and browse the many different styles of girls' clothing and shoes. She wondered if the pretty yellow dress with the pink flowers would have been something she would buy for her daughter. Or the white sandals with the blue sparkles. The headbands with the tiny bows or the little panties with the Disney princesses on them.

And after each time perusing the sections, she'd go home and cry. Cry for the heart wrenching decision she'd made however long ago. The timing varied though the occurrences of such shopping excursions were frequent.

In fact, she'd just experienced that very event not two days prior.

Olivia had gone to the store for whatever reason and, keeping up with habit, made her way to the girls' section. That time was a bit different. It was her daughter's birthday. Her baby had turned six. Another year older. Another missed birthday. She'd taken her time walking through, looking at everything and nothing at the same time. A glint caught her eye. She strolled over and saw a beautiful tiara in a clear plastic box. It was undoubtedly fake, but it didn't matter. A six-year-old would appreciate it for what it was – a symbol allowing them to show everyone they were the princess they'd imagined themselves to be.

The tiara had intricate detail for the toy that it was. What stood out most to Olivia was the beautiful little butterfly in the center. It was perfect.

Olivia bought the tiara and had it gift-wrapped. With it, she bought a card, just as she'd done every year for six years. And when she got home, she opened the chest located at the foot of her bed and placed the beautifully wrapped gift with the others she had gotten years before. And the card was placed in a smaller box, along with the five cards it already held.

And then she cried. Just like she had done on that day. Every single year. Different from the usual tears shed after a shopping trip. The birthday cries were gut-wrenching sobs, screams into a pillow in effort to keep her neighbors from hearing her anguish. The birthday cries usually continued until she could cry no more, until she drifted to sleep thinking about her sweet baby girl and the last time she held her.

"'Livia?"

Ayla's soft voice snapped her out of her memories. Olivia swiped at a tear she hadn't realized she'd shed and smiled a small, tense smile at the little girl with the big brown eyes. Brown eyes that now watched her with worry.

"It's okay," Olivia said as she reached for the throw on the back of her couch. "You rest here and I'll go make the bed."

Ayla laid her head against a pillow and snuggled her teddy bear closer as Olivia covered her. "You won't take a long time, right?"

Olivia ran a finger down the little girl's cheek. She pushed a curl away from the child's eye and then rubbed her thumb along her cheek again.

"No, baby. I won't be long."

The response seemed to settle Ayla as she nodded once and closed her eyes. Olivia sat on the edge of the couch just watching her. Almost as quickly as her eyes closed, the little girl's breathing steadied to a slow calm as she drifted to sleep.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Thank you for the reviews. I really appreciate them. I wasn't sure if I should continue because like I said, I have an idea of how I'd love for this story to go and I don't think I'm the right person to write it. But a reviewer kind of made me want to give it a try when they said "…**__**I don't think anybody could write it better because only you know how you want it to go." Thank you, **__**Kween Of Thorn**__**. I'm going to give it my best try and hope not to disappoint too much.**_

_**This chapter was short but I'm already working on another with more background. **_

_**Eventually I'd like to add the rest of the squad in, or at least Elliot, but I'm so afraid of not doing his character justice. I'm afraid I'm not doing the character of Olivia justice either. But it's a fic. It's a thought. I'll just see where it leads.**_

_**Thank you again and I promise no more paragraphs of author's notes.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia watched quietly as her child lay sleeping beside her. She tried not to touch her, but every once in awhile she'd catch herself stroking her hair or smoothing a finger down her cheek. It was hard. She was finding it difficult not to concentrate on the soft breaths coming from her sleeping daughter, the peaceful look on her face as she snuggled her teddy bear.

These are all things Olivia had missed. Had she chose differently, she would have done this every single night.

After making the bed, Olivia had gone back to the living room to find Ayla wandering around. She remained silent as she watched the little girl run little fingers over the crystal vase by the window. Ayla then lifted a photo of Olivia and Elliot. The little girl studied it with serious eyes, a small frown forming on her face. After a moment, she traded the teddy bear for the photo, dropping the stuffed toy and clutching the framed photo to her chest as she continued her inspection of the apartment.

"Does he live here, too?" Ayla asked of Elliot when she finally spotted Olivia.

"No. I work with him." Olivia took the photo and replaced it, handing the teddy bear to the child. Ayla took it gratefully. "Let's get you in your pajamas and off to bed."

Ayla grabbed her little pink suitcase and wheeled it towards the bedroom. "I can do it," she said softly.

Olivia nodded. She knew things were not going to be easy. There would come a time when she had to sit down with her daughter and explain to her why she wasn't there for her. It was a conversation she was dreading, but one that would have to happen. Soon.

And now, as she watched her child sleep, she thought back to the moment when her life changed forever.

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><p><em><strong>September, 2004<strong>_

Olivia and Elliot worked for three days straight on a new kidnapping lead. Together they traded valuable information with Munch, Fin and Captain Cragen, the five of them working endlessly for the safe return of a seventeen-year-old girl.

Four young girls had been kidnapped, raped and killed over an eight-week span. Skylar Micciche had been the fifth and most recent victim. If the kidnapper followed pattern, Skylar had just twenty-four hours left before being brutally murdered and dumped at one of the various child-friendly attractions in the city.

The first victim's body was found at the zoo. The third, at an amusement park.

The squad worked diligently. Tension was high. Nerves were on edge. Exhaustion played a role in personal jabs at one another. The case had been mentally and emotionally draining.

It was almost noon when they'd finally gotten the call. All four detectives accompanied their captain and a few dozen law enforcement officers to the jungle gym of a local public park. Olivia almost screamed her frustration and heartache when she saw Skylar, her arms bound, her head hanging, and her body dangling lifelessly from the highest point of the playground equipment. Dressed in nothing but her underwear, her body was covered in multiple cuts and contusions. They would have to wait for the official results from the medical examiner, but they were certain the cause of death was the same as the previous victims – a lethal combination of drugs administered through a needle to the side of her neck.

By two in the afternoon, the captain had ordered the four of them to go home and they weren't to report for duty for the next forty-eight hours. At some point during their time off, they were required to have a sit-down with Dr. Huang.

With the usual grumbles of protest, the four packed up their belongings and headed out.

"Hey, Liv," Elliot called to her before she stepped on the elevator. She turned to face him, her eyes tired, her heart weary. They were so close to saving this one. So close. "You need a lift to your place? I could, uh… I could use the extra drive. Not ready to head home just yet."

She stepped onto the elevator and held the door for him as he stepped in after her.

"Thanks, El, but I think I need to walk. I can't… I need…" she paused and took a deep breath, "I just need to not think. But thanks."

Elliot nodded. He understood. They all did. This case was hitting them hard and it seemed like with each negative turn of events, the drive to keep going, keep hoping for a positive outcome diminished a little more.

The elevator doors opened and they strode together with a familiar sync.

"Call me," he instructed with serious eyes. "I mean it, Liv. If it becomes too much, you call me. Day or night."

She smiled. "You do the same." He watched as she turned to walk away and then stopped. "And don't call just to check in on me," she said knowingly. He'd done it many times before. "I'll be okay."

Elliot chuckled softly as his gaze fell to the sidewalk. He shook his head slightly. She knew him so well.

"See you in two days." Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.

Her hand met his in a grasp. She squeezed it back and nodded. "Two days."

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><p>It wasn't unusual for Olivia to get dressed up. It wasn't unusual for her to find a bar or club where no one would recognize her, where no one knew what kind of work she did and how badly her work affected her. It wasn't something that happened frequently, but it definitely was not unusual.<p>

That night, she needed it. She had to forget the images of the young girl they'd failed to save. Again. She had to wipe away the images of the school photos of Skylar dressed in her cap and gown, smiling happily in the excitement of graduating at the end of the school year. A graduation that would never happen because some sick bastard had stolen her life and claimed it as his own, as if he had some unquestionable right to do so.

And now, as the darkness of night fell outside Olivia's window, she found that sitting there thinking of her failures just wasn't enough. She needed to forget. She needed release. She wanted to be reckless and carefree and something other than the responsible Detective Benson role she portrayed in her daily life.

After a quick shower, she donned her shortest skin-tight dress, her highest heels and applied way too much makeup. Her hair style just right, she stepped back and studied herself in the full length mirror.

It was so very unlike her. And it was just what she needed.

Grabbing a clutch, she threw a light jacket over her shoulders and headed out for a night of freedom.


	4. Chapter 4

The club was crowded, the music blaring. People were dancing and gyrating as they sang along with the hip-hop, rap mix. The place smelled of sweat, perfume and cologne.

This wasn't a club Olivia was familiar with. She hadn't planned on going there but she was satisfied with the result. It was different. It wasn't her usual. It brought her out of her comfort and made her want to be someone completely different than the person she was on a daily basis.

She stood out. She didn't mind.

Olivia made her way to the bar and ordered a drink. She downed it immediately before ordering another and making her way to a booth on the other side of the club. She smiled shyly at the men calling to her, pushing many away when they walked up to her and started to dance against her.

She almost felt self-conscious at the amount of skin she was showing. She'd abandoned her jacket long ago and it seemed as if almost every man in the club took notice. Shaking the feeling, she downed another drink and pushed her way to the middle of the dance floor.

She was there for a reason. She wanted to forget. She wanted to be numb. She wanted to be normal, if only for a few hours.

She felt his eyes on her before she spotted him. He was tucked away in a corner of the club, leaning against a wall. His eyes followed her, the movement of her hands, and the sway of her hips as she danced. And when her eyes finally met his, she froze. They connected and for a few brief seconds, neither she nor he could tear their attention away.

A small smile formed on her lips as she began to dance again with a little more purpose. Extra emphasis in all her moves, she licked her lips as his eyes grew darker, his attention focused solely on her.

A couple of songs later, his eyes still remained on her. In a normal situation, Olivia would have been on guard, suspicious. She would have spoken to him long ago, asking him pointed questions as she would a perp during interrogation.

This situation was different. She liked the way he stared at her with interest. His gaze wasn't threatening, but almost sincere in his admiration of the object in his view. It almost made her laugh that she'd even considered herself an "object" to be viewed, but the buzz of the club and a few drinks under her belt, she didn't much mind.

It wasn't until she'd grabbed her jacket to leave when he approached her. The music had lost its appeal after awhile. The different men grabbing her, rubbing their bodies against her as they danced was beginning to make her feel uncomfortable as her mind unwittingly drifted to her job. The buzz she felt from drinking no longer numbed her thoughts and feelings, but seemed to bring it to the surface in one emotional cluster. A shower and sleep was what she now craved. She didn't think a visit with Huang in the morning would hurt either.

"I was starting to wonder if you would ever run out of energy," a deep, smooth voice spoke from behind her.

She spun around to face him and was met with the most beautiful smile, a smile that had been flashing at her from across the room all night.

"Yeah, well, this was a lot more appealing when I was in college," she said with a smile to match his.

"True." He smiled again. "If it makes you feel any better, you look even more amazing than any college kid in this place."

Olivia felt the heat in her cheeks as she ducked her head. She was never one for accepting compliments comfortably. Hearing such compliments in the man's gentle, deep voice made her feel almost giddy and girlish, as if she'd been transformed back to those younger college days.

"Well I don't want to hold you up. Let me walk you outside. I'll wait with you until your cab gets here." He smirked at the frown he received. "You do know you aren't driving, right? I saw how quickly you were tossin' those drinks back."

Olivia laughed softly as she covered her face with one hand. "I, actually… I walked here. But thanks for the concern." With one last sultry glance, she winked and walked past him, making sure to brush against him as she made her way to the exit.

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><p>The sun was shining through her window way too brightly as she woke up. Her body tense immediately, her breath stuck in her chest as if something heavy crushed it. Her hand reached instinctively to her weapon on her nightstand only to find the stand empty. Taking a deep breath, she slid her hand to her belly and smoothed her fingers over the muscular arm encircling her waist. The arm tightened around her for a second and then she felt the body behind her tense as well.<p>

The man behind her sat upright with a whispered curse and she followed, pushing her hair from her face. She held the bed sheet to her bare chest as the two of them stared nervously at each other.

"So… you're a cop," the man stated, awkwardly breaking the silence as he pulled the same bed sheet tighter around his waist. She frowned at him. "The picture on your bookshelf, the one of you surrounded by guys…" she continued to stare as he muttered timidly. "You all have badges."

"I am." She cleared her throat and bit her lip as the man rubbed his face.

"Look, I didn't… I don't remember exactly…" he sighed and finally looked her in the eye. "I didn't expect anything last night. I really just wanted to make sure you made it home okay."

She sighed. "Let's just…"

He nodded. "Yeah."

Olivia knew he understood her unspoken words. The previous night was unexpected and as much as she hated it when she found herself in such situations, a one-night-stand was all it was. It happened. It was over. And after an awkward thirty minutes, he will have gotten dressed and left her apartment. And she would try hard not to think about his dark eyes staring into hers, his dark brown skin in contrast to her own, his lips on the sensitive skin of her neck and the weight of his body on top of hers.

She blushed and ducked her head, her hair shielding her face from his view.

He took that moment to pull on his pants and walk across the room. "You do remember my name, right?" he said in a teasing voice. He grabbed a pink silk robe off of a chair in the corner and handed it to her.

She gave him a small smile as thanks and he turned his back. ""Of course, I remember your name." She stood, pulling the robe around herself and tying it quickly. "I was drunk, but I knew what I was doing." She lowered her head again as she muttered, "Or _who_ I was doing," and he laughed to himself. She met his eyes with a smile of her own. "Morgan," she spoke softly.

He grinned. It made her heart flutter.

"Olivia," he replied and she felt her smile grow.

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><p>Eight weeks had gone by quickly.<p>

Olivia was happy when Dr. Huang cleared her to report back to work. Time away from work, she realized, was necessary. It was a time to recharge, to rest, to take a step away from the harsh realities she faced on a daily basis. But once she returned, she was all-in. She was focused and gave the job her everything. Her partner depended on her. Her unit depended on her. The people she tried to help every day depended on her.

She hadn't noticed any changes in herself. If she was being completely honest, she had noticed slight changes, but chose not to acknowledge them. She tired so easily. Running after a perp wore her out to the point where she'd try to sneak a nap in the crib for a few brief moments. She was nauseous constantly and did her best to hide it from everyone around her.

She was pretty sure the Captain had figured it out before she'd even admitted it to herself. She found herself being volunteered to help other divisions. TARU saw a lot more of her and going out in the field with Elliot was starting to become less frequent. She sat quietly as Elliot argued with the Captain about how his partner was _his_ and how tired he was of her being sent to do work others were too lazy to do. The look on her face was almost that of guilt as the Captain defended his decision to a disgruntled Elliot.

Cragen had always looked out for Olivia, especially when she was too stubborn to look after herself.

A week later, she'd had enough. The nausea was becoming more and more difficult to hide. The tension between her and Elliot was eating away at her and her guilt in the fact that Cragen was keeping a secret for her was too much. A secret she hadn't even admitted to herself. A secret she was too afraid to have confirmed. She'd decided it was time to consult her doctor. She would handle whatever happened when the time came.

Her procrastination came to an end after she fainted into Fin's arms. Munch was updating the group about a case they'd been working when Olivia suddenly felt dizzy. She brought a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes as a wave of nausea hit. She remembered hearing Elliot's concerned voice calling her name. She felt herself waver a bit and Fin was behind her immediately, gentle hands reaching out to catch her as she fell back into his chest.

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><p>When her eyes opened, she was met with the concerned gaze of her captain.<p>

"It was only a matter of time, Olivia," he spoke gently as he took a seat next to her hospital bed.

She slid to an upright position and anxiously fiddled with the IV in her arm. "How did you know?" she asked in almost a whisper.

"I just knew," he stated, as if that was enough explanation. He leaned forward at her questioning look. "I know you, Olivia. I've known you for years. I know how you operate." He leaned back in the chair and continued. "I've got quite a few years on you, and the experience to match. I wasn't completely sure, but I had an idea that something was going on."

She ran shaky fingers through her hair and bit her lip. "I was irresponsible," she whispered after awhile. "Everything I've learned, everything I know… it just didn't matter. I didn't want to admit that I messed up. I didn't want to confirm it, even after all of the obvious signs. I ignored them. I explained them away. I didn't want to think…" a tear slid down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "What do I do now?" she spoke in an almost desperate whisper.

Cragen placed a hand on her arm and squeezed softly. "You go home. You rest. You take it one day at a time."

"But Elliot-"

"-will be fine," he interrupted. "Elliot's a big boy, Olivia. He's not alone out there." He lowered his head to meet her eyes. "And you aren't alone either. You have people who care about you. When you're ready…" He let his words linger in silence. He watched the many emotions play on her face. He saw the fear in her eyes.

"Thanks, Cap." She forced a smile and sucked in a deep breath.

"Olivia, I do need to ask…" he stopped and fixed her with a firm gaze.

"Sir, Elliot and I have never…" she said insistently with a shake of her head.

Cragen nodded. She could see the relief in his face and was grateful for the change of subject when a nurse came in to check on her.

"Olivia, welcome back," the cheerful woman spoke as she made her way to the bed. Cragen moved to a corner as the nurse checked vitals. "Everything looks great, Olivia. If you feel up to it, you can be on your way. You were a little dehydrated so we had to give you an IV. Just be sure to drink plenty of fluids and rest, rest, rest!" She handed Olivia a few papers after removing the IV from her arm. "Follow up with your primary physician immediately and you should schedule an appointment with one of those OBGYNs as soon as possible," she said, pointing to the papers.

Olivia's eyes closed at the nurse's words. She felt like all the air was suddenly sucked from the room.

"And don't you worry. My nausea only lasted a few weeks when I was pregnant. I'm sure yours won't be too bad either. You just keep telling yourself that the best pregnancies begin with morning sickness." The nurse smiled and offered a happy "Congratulations, sweetheart!" as she left the room.

And just like that, everything she tried to avoid, everything she didn't want to admit to herself was thrown in her face like a cold glass of water.


End file.
